Q: Why was Adam the happiest man ever lived?

A: Because he was the only man without a mother-in-law.

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town’s register.

His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, " I must have taken Leif off my census."

“Why did you refuse to marry Bob, Lisa?”
“Cause he said he’d die if I didn’t and I’m just curious…..”

The after dinner speaker was droning on and on and on, bring everyone to tears. One of the guests, fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open, turned to the lady on his right and said, “Can nothing be done to shut him up?”
“If there is I’d like to know,” said the lady, “—I’m his wife and I’ve been trying to shut him up for thirty years!”