Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time bent over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over.

“So, did you enjoy the film?”

The goat replied, “To tell you the truth, I liked the book better.”

“Doctor,” said the patient, “I need help! I can’t stop acting like a cat!”
“How long have you had this problem?” the doctor asked.
“Lest’s see,” said the patient, “Mom had the litter in ’41…

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises.

“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?”

“Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”

“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”
“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”
The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”