Two Hollywood stars ran into each other at the door of their psychiatrist’s office.
“Hello, there,” said one. “Are you coming or going?"
“If I knew that,” said the other, “I wouldn’t be here.”
Six-year-old Ned's mother was looking through an old family Bible when an oak leaf fell out.
Ned said, "That must be Adam's."
The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. “Are you ready for this?”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor tell you about it?”
“No.”
She rechecked the orders. “Whoa!” she bellowed. “That didn’t say Fleet enema. It said feet elevated!”
At the airport for his 9-year-old son's first big trip by himself, after checking in on the phone with Grandma and Grandpa.
Dad - "So what did Grandma say on the phone?"
Son - "She said I love you, can't wait to see you, we're going to have so much fun...and...uh...something about 'We will rot you?'"
Dad - "Do you mean 'spoil you?'"
Son - "Yes! That's the word. I couldn't find it in my brain."