A person that keeps their feet firmly on the ground...
... will never get their pants on!
Things that always tell the truth:
Small Children...
Drunks...
Yoga Pants!
When ordering a pizza ask that it be cut in 4 slices in place of the normal 8 slices...
That way, it only counts as 4 slices on your diet!
My house is not messy...
I have just set up obstacles for any burglar that might want to test their luck.