My friend Mac didn’t think he was fat...
Till the woman in McDonald’s said: “Sorry about your weight.”
A friend of mine got kidnapped by a group of mimes...
They did unspeakable things to him!
I now know how it will end for me...
One of my kid's will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed.
I told her it's unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute.