I went on a date with a girl who said she loved animals.
I said, "I work with animals every day."
She said, "That's so sweet. What do you do?"
I replied, "I'm a butcher!"
We never went on a second date.
My son’s math teacher called him average...
I just think he’s mean.
If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?
U-R-A-BUS!
My wife said that last night I was shouting 'Gollum', 'Gandalf' and 'Bilbo Baggins'...
I must've been Tolkien in my sleep.