entertainment jokes

A lady on a commuter train is reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turns to the man next to her and asks, “Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”

“Really?” he says. “Have you tried a good mouthwash?”

Teacher: Did you hear about the actress who attacked her husband?

Student: No, who was it?

Teacher: Reese...

Student: Witherspoon?

Teacher: No, with her knife!

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?

And...

Why did Ginger and Mary Ann have tons of clothes with them when they were supposed to be on a "three hour tour?"

The circus was in town and Stanislaus and Oleg were the featured act. While Oleg walked across the high wire without a net, Stanislaus would balance on Oleg's shoulders, all the while juggling 5 balls at once. A few minutes before they were to go on, Oleg called for the ringmaster. It seems Oleg had become deathly ill by eating some bad sushi and would have to cancel tonight's performance.

"You'd better tell Stanislaus," Oleg said. Walking into Stanislaus' dressing room, the ringmaster got right to the point. "Stanislaus, I have some bad news. You won't be doing your act tonight."

"Why not?"

"You don't have Oleg to stand on!"