misc jokes

Harry asked his wife: Did your leave a tip for the boy who delivers our paper?
His wife replies: Yes, dear. I put some of it in the bushes, some of it on the roof, and some of it in the front yard.

Officer at the shooting range: Get ready, aim, fire at will.
Soldier: Which one is Will?

Sergeant: "Private, I think the enemy soldiers are hiding in the woods. I want you to go in there and flush them out for us."

Private: "Yes, sir! But if you see a bunch of guys running out the woods, don’t shoot the one in front, sir!"

Did you hear about the two explorers, Bob and John who were going through the jungle when a ferocious lion jumped out in front of them?

Bob whispered to John to keep calm. Bob asked John if he remembered what they had read in the book on wild animals. “If you stand absolutely still and look the lion straight in the eye, he will turn tails and run away,” said Bob.

John said, “Fine. You’ve read the book, I’ve read the book, but has the lion read the book?”