misc jokes

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!" "What's that mean?" asks the girl. "That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast." "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon." What's that?" asked the guy. The girl says, "That's French toast."

Two men are drinking in a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye!"

The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he's had about enough, so he replies, "OK, you're on." The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it. So the second man has to pay. Awhile later the first man says, "I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye."

The second man thinks, well he can't have TWO glass eyes, he obviously can see. So he says, "All right, you're on."

The second man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye.

Two men are drinking in a bar. The first man tries to strike up a conversation with the second, but the second man says, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

So the first man pulls out a pad of paper and a pencil, and they get a lively conversation going on paper. Soon a third man joins them, and all three are conversing on paper.

By and by the deaf man leaves, and the two hearing men continue their conversation -- on paper.

A doctor taking care of his last appointment of the day gives this man a thorough exam and finds him in optimal health. As the man is going out the door, he had a heart attack and died. The doctor looks at the man and tells the nurse, “help me turn him around to it looks like he was just coming in.”