misc jokes

While Bill waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune. He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed: “You weigh 195 pounds, you are married and you’re on your way to San Diego.” Bill stood there dumbfounded.
Another man put in a quarter and the computer read: “You weigh 184 pounds, you’re divorced, and you’re on your way to Chicago.” Bill said to the man, “Are you divorced and on our way to Chicago?” “Yes.” Replied the man.
Bill was amazed. Then he rushed to the men’s room, changed his clothes and put on dark
glasses. He went to the machine again. The computer read: “You still weigh 195 pounds, you’re still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego.

Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?” asked the airline passenger, amid the holiday rush. The clerk replied, “It’s so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.”

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read “Say It with Flowers.”
“Wrap up one rose” he told the florist.
“Only one?” the florist asked.
“Just one,” the customer replied
“I’m a man of few words.”

A man tells his friend, Las Vegas is loaded with all kinds of gambling devices.
“Dice tables, slot machines, and wedding chapels.”