misc jokes

Feeling dizzy and nauseous, Bill went to the doctor. “So,” said the doctor as bill sat on the examining table, “what seems to be the problem?” At once Bill shot his feet, grabbed his hat and coat, and stormed toward the door. “What’s the matter?” claimed the doctor.
“The nerve of you!” Bill snapped. “All those years of medical school, and you want me to make the diagnosis!”

When his teenage son asked to borrow twenty dollar, the man said, “Son, don’t you realize that there are more important things in life than money?”
“Yes, sir,” the youth replied, “I do. But you need money to take them to the movies.”

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. “Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!”

“Dear God! Did your try to stop him?”

“No,” said the clerk, “but don’t worry. I got the license plate number!”

Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, “As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!”
The judge calmly replied, “He isn’t. I am. You do.”