misc jokes

“Doc!” the man yells. I’ve lost my memory!”
“Calm down, sir. When did this happen.”
The man looked at him. “When did what happen?”

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises.
“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?” “Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”

After spending all day putting in a new cement walk, Mr. Sullivan was horrified to see his kids using sticks to write their names in it. After screaming viciously at the kids, he came back inside, only to find his wife scowling. “How could you do that?” she asked.
“It’s just a walkway, and – don’t you love your kids?” Her husband said, “In the abstract, yes. But not in the concrete.”

A young girl was so nervous about the cruise that immediately after being shown to her cabin, she headed for the bar.
Four hours later she bumped into a steward. “ ‘Scuse me.’ She said hiccupping, “I, I can’t seem to find my cabin.”
“I’ll be glad to help you, ma’am. What’s the number?”
“I dunno,” she answered, “but if you show me aroun’, I’ll recognize it from the lighthouse just outside the porthole.”