misc jokes

A man had been crossing a street when a car slammed into him. The pedestrian sued the motorist, whose lawyer made the following statement at the end of the trial.
“Your honor, my client was not at fault. He has been driving a car for thirty years, and has never had an accident, nor gotten so much as a speeding ticket. I do not think I need to say any more.”
Unimpressed, the lawyer for the plaintiff rose. “Your honor, since counsel insists on bringing up the matter of experience, may I remind the court that my client has been walking for over seventy years…”

Called to the scene of a magnificent celestial display, the professor watched as a bright object dashed through the skies over New Mexico.

When he returned to his observatory, reporters asked him if what he had seen was really a UFO.

Looking them straight in the eye, the impassive scientist replied, “No comet.”

After years in the work force, someone finally concluded that an employer is someone who’s late when you’re early and early when you’re late.

This administration has conclusively discovered how to deal wit the deficit.
It’s a skill, which requires addition and distraction.