misc jokes

Q. How do you get a 1 armed Antartian out of a tree?

A. Wave to him.

A chief of a small island nation was obsessed with the English royalty, and his hobby was collecting thrones. He had wooden ones by the dozen stacked in the upper section of his giant grass covered palace that had many rooms for him and his cabinet. One day, his people presented him with a large stone throne and he had his servants carry it to the upper floor of his hut and he put it in the center of all the wooden thrones. The king was very happy. That evening he rushed home from the hard day of being sovereign, dashed upstairs and flopped into the new throne. When this happened the floor gave away and all the thrones came tumbling down bringing the building with them.
Moral: PEOPLE IN GRASS HOUSES SHOULDN’T STOW THRONES.

A city feller who didn't know the front end of a goat from a magnolia bush was watching his weekend host's daughter milking her cow when a farm hand hollered, "Watch out, here comes the bull!"
The city feller vaulted a fence for safety, but noted to his surprise that the girl never budged from her stool. Furthermore, the bull stopped abruptly, snorted almost apologetically and meekly retreated to his
enclosure.
"Weren't you petrified?" demanded the guest. "Not me," said the milkmaid, "but I reckon the bull was. This here cow's his mother-in-law."

A city feller who didn't know the front end of a goat from a magnolia bush was watching his weekend host's daughter milking her cow when a farm hand hollered, "Watch out, here comes the bull!"
The city feller vaulted a fence for safety, but noted to his surprise that the girl never budged from her stool. Furthermore, the bull stopped abruptly, snorted almost apologetically and meekly retreated to his
enclosure.
"Weren't you petrified?" demanded the guest. "Not me," said the milkmaid, "but I reckon the bull was. This here cow's his mother-in-law."