misc jokes

A boastful Englishman was holding forth on the merits of his watch to friends in New York City. At last, one of the American friends decided he could stand it no longer.

"That's nothing, "he interrupted. "I dropped my watch into the Hudson a year ago, and it's been running ever since."

The Englishman looked taken aback. "What!" he exclaimed. "The same watch?"

"No," he replied, "the Hudson."

Two drunk guys were fighting.

One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face.

That was the punchline.

Barbara was taking her first skydiving lesson. The instructor told her to jump out of the plane and pull her rip cord, explaining that he himself would jump out right behind her so that they would go down together. Barbara understood and was ready.

Just before it was time for Barbara to jump out of the plane, the instructor reminded her that he would be right behind her. She jumped, and, after being in the air for a few seconds, pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed her out of the plane.

He pulled his rip cord but the parachute didn't open. As he struggled to pull the emergency rip cord, he shot downward and darted past Barbara. Seeing this, Barbara quickly undid the straps to her own parachute, and yelled after him, "So you wanna race, huh?!"

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do you eat hay, then?"

"No."

"Man, you're not a fit companion for man or beast."