work jokes

A man said to a long-haul truck driver, "I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel."

"Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from a foreign country. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."

"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"

"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?

My boss won't stop flirting with me.

It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

Mainly because we're a family run business.

A man sees a job advert published on a building site, "Handy man wanted; apply within." The man goes to speak to the foreman and applies.

Foreman: "Can you drive a forklift truck?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "Can you plaster?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "Can you brick lay?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you?"

Man: "I only live five minutes down the road."