It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. When he grew sleepy, I wheeled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, using the techniques I’d learned in school, grasped him in a bear hug to lift him onto the bed. But I couldn’t clear the top of the mattress. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed.
When the night shift nurse arrived, I recounted what had happened. “Funny,” she said, looking puzzled. “Usually I just ask him to get in bed, and he does.”
Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels.
Policeman: Why, those dirty crooks!
What do you call 1st President George Washington's false teeth?
PRESI-DEN-TURES!
Some puns leave me numb...
But math puns make me even number!