Best Jokes

Me: "May I go to the restroom."

Teacher: "What for?"

Me: "To Open The Chamber Of Secrets, What the hell do you think?

Ain't it funny how the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind your car.

A couple arrived at the boarding gate just in time to see their plane taking off. The husband was angry to have missed the plane. “If you weren’t so slow in getting ready,” he complained to his wife, “we wouldn’t have missed the plane.” “And if you wouldn’t have rushed me, we wouldn’t have so long to wait until the next flight,” she replied.

A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool.

He was poised, he lifted his arms, and was about to dive in when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive, there’s no water in that pool!”

“That’s all right!” said the man. “I can’t swim!”