Best Jokes

I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.

At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."

As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "The man says it makes a funny noise."

Mr. Frobisher always scheduled the weekly staff meeting for four-thirty on Friday afternoons.

When one of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, he explained.

"I will tell you why. I've learned that's the only time of the week when none of you wants to argue with me."

The sheep were standing around talking to each other and discussing life as usual when suddenly they hear a "mooooooooooo".

They look around and see only sheep. They carry on grazing as before. "Mooooo, moooooo, mmmooo!"

One sheep can hear it all too clearly next to him. He shuffles away a little from his friend, a worried look on his face and then asks, "George, why are you mooing? You’re a sheep. Sheep go 'baa!'"

His friend replies gladly, "I know, I thought I would learn a foreign language!"

A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo."

The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, "I'll have a waterloo, too."

The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink and the customer takes a big drink. "Hey," he says. "This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"

The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water. Right, Lou?"