Beautician: "Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance?"
Man: "It did for a while... then it fell off."
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island...
But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian!
Mr. Bolton was proud of his lawn and gardens, but the sidewalk bothered him. Some of the tiles were stained, some showed different levels of wear and some just looked old. He had a brilliant idea, "Why not paint the sidewalk?"
So he went to the local hardware store and found a cement paint that was labelled light grey. He rushed home, got out a paint roller, and in a short time he had the walk completely painted. When it dried, it was beautiful and bright and looked brand new.
He deemed the project a success, but it does have one draw back. Visitors and the mail man now walk on his lawn so as not to stain the sidewalk.
What do you call a police officer in the time of the dinosaurs?
A Triceracop!