Best Jokes

How does a woman turn a man into a millionaire?

She marries a billionaire.

It was a long season for my son's baseball team with a 0-11 record. All of the players were new and prone to errors, strikeouts and poor pitching.

One Friday afternoon my son came crashing through the door and announced his team had played the best game of the year. "What did you win by?" I asked.

He replied, "Oh, we were beat 32 to 2, but it's the first game where no one made an error!"

Success comes in baby steps.

"Darn!" the man said to his friend while weighing himself at the local drug store scale. "I started on a new diet but the scale says I'm heavier than I was before."

Turning to his friend, he said, "Here, hold my jacket." The scale still indicated that he had not lost any weight.

"OK," he said to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies."

A construction site foreman had 10 very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."

Nine hands went up.

"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the 10th man.

"Too much trouble," he responded.