Best Jokes

What is a pessimist?

A pessimist is a person who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

Two soldiers were watching the night sky in Afghanistan when a shooting star came into view. One soldier said, "Look, it's an omen. Something bad is about to happen."

The other one looked and said, "I'm not superstitious. That is not an omen."

In the next instant the shooting star, about the size of a car, crashed to earth landing on top of the soldier. In great pain he slowly crawled out from under the meteorite and said, "Okay, wow... now that's an omen!"

Did you hear Bill Gates is getting a divorce?

Found out his wife doesn't do windows.

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot.

It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there.

They have no wife to go home to... or they do!