Best Jokes

A male crab and a female lobster are dating, but they are hiding it from their parents because of the obvious reason. Eventually the lobster gets tired of all the secrecy and she tells her father, who is furious and forbids her to see the crab again.

“But why can’t I see the crab again? We’re in love!” cries the lobster.
“Because,” says the father, trying to search for a reasonable answer, “crabs walk sideways and we walk straight!”
“Please, father,” she begs. “Just meet him once and I’m sure you will change your mind.”
The father finally agrees to meet the crab and she runs our to tell him the good news.
The crab is so excited that he practices walking straight. He practices and practices until finally he can walk straight. He walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can.
The father sees him coming and yells to his daughter, “Hey, here comes that crab and he’s drunk!”

Pointing to a super train set, an old man said to the shop clerk, “I’ll take it!”

“I’m sure your grandson will like it, sir,” said the clerk.

“I suppose you are right,” sighed the old man, “You’d better give me two.”

“I see you’re losing your hair.”
“Nonsense. I know exactly where it is – down the bathroom sink.”

At a psychiatrist a man says, Doctor, I think there are two of me.
The doctor replies, Well, why don’t you both sit down and one of you tell me all about it.