Best Jokes

My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework.

One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ___________.”

His response: “Receipts.”

A farmer and his wife got into a huge fight after which the wife stormed off. The farmer says, "Where did you leave the tractor?"

The wife replies, "In the Mill field."

But there's no way into the Mill field!"

"There is now."

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours, I will give you $5,000."

The idiot replies, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now my turn, what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"

The idiot hands over $5.

Employee: "Sir, what is the secret of your success?"
Manager: "Two words."

Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Right decisions."

Employee: "And how do you make right decisions?"
Manager: "One word."

Employee: "And, What is that?"
Manager: "Experience."

Employee: "And how do you get Experience?"
Manager: "Two words."

Employee: "And, Sir, what are they?"
Manager: "Wrong decisions."