What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can’t understand.
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his high water bill...
So I sent him a “Get 'Well' Soon” card.
Two best friends Emma and Catherine meet each other at a coffee shop and Emma reached quite late.
Emma explained the reason of being late, "I bought a Volkswagen beetle last week and today it broke in the middle of the road. To my surprise, when I checked there is no engine under the hood. The engine lost somewhere in the way."
Catherine said calmly, "Oh really, don't worry at all. I also own a Volkswagen Beetle and have a spare engine in the trunk of my car. You can have it."
During her physical examination, a doctor asked a retired woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week, in the outdoors.
"Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind some big trees. I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away from one angry bull elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered, so I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine."
Amazed by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one heck of an outdoor woman!"
"No," the woman replied, "I'm just a really bad golfer!"