I once ate a dictionary...
Never again, I ended up with thesaurus throat I've ever had!
After being widowed for a few years my sister recently remarried.
When I saw her I asked, "I'll bet your husband talks about his first wife?"
"Not anymore," she told me.
"Why not?"
"I began to talk about my next husband."
Tower: Cessna 2737 you are three miles from final, turn left 270 and expect the RNAV to Runway 27.
Pilot: Aye Aye, Captain!
Tower: Cessna 2737... read back and repeat all the instructions correctly.
Pilot: 10-4!
[Nearly 30 seconds later...]
Tower: Uhh..., Cessna 2737 please repeat back all instructions immediately!!
Pilot: Okay, I am so sorry about that, my co-pilot was at the controls and radio. Turning left to 270, and expecting the RNAV for runway 27 for Cessna 2737.
Tower: Readback is correct, and by the way, your co-pilot could use some training!
Pilot: Yeah, I concur with you. The only problem is that you can only teach a parrot so much!!
A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.”
“When did these start?”
“Next Thursday.”