Latest Jokes

A terminally ill man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. ”Give it to me straight, doc, ” he said. ”How long have I got?”

The physician replied that he doubted whether the man would survive the night.

So the man said, ”Fetch me my lawyer.”

When the lawyer arrived, the man asked the physician to stand on one side of the bed while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then closed his eyes. After a few minutes, the physician asked him what he was thinking about.

The man replied, ”Jesus died with a thief on either side. I thought I check out the same way.”

A young girl of 4 was told she needed an X-ray after an accident. Her mother tried to calm her down, but she was still nervous when the time came for the X-Ray. When she came out of the X-ray room, however, she seemed relaxed and just fine.

"They took a picture of my bones," she told her mother.

"Yes, dear," replied the mother. "Did everything go all right?"

"Yeah," said the girl. "It was great! I didn't even have to take my skin off, or anything!"

A guy asked for a goodnight kiss but the girl rebuffed him, saying, “I don’t do that sort of thing on a first date.”

“Well,” he said, “how about on a last date?”

What is the name of the first electricity detective?

Sherlock Ohms!