Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern-day scrooge.
One day during the winter the lake frozen over. The peddler realized that he could cut off two miles from his trip if he crossed over the lake. He was spotted halfway across the lake by the tycoon.
Scrooge came racing out of his mansion and screamed at the peddler, "I'll be darned if I let anyone pull the wool over my ice!"
Things that always tell the truth:
Small Children...
Drunks...
Yoga Pants!
I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my navigation system said:
"IN 400 FEET, DO A SLIGHT RIGHT, STOP, AND LET ME OUT."
Why was Peter Pan banned from using any Airline?
Because if he got on a plane, it would Never-Never-land.