Latest Jokes

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country--if they could find the time--and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12. The Pensacola News Journal is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it.

"I miss going to restaurants with my parents."

"So you miss your parents?"

"No, they just used to pay the bill."

A young yet accomplished historical theologian and author went to the Vatican holding written permission to view certain archives. He asked the priest who had greeted him if he could see the archives pertaining to stigmata.

The priest replied only the man upstairs knows how to help you with that subject. The rather perplexed young man then asked, "Are you trying to say I need to speak directly with the almighty Father Himself?

With a slight smile on his face the priest replied, "Not at all my son. I was talking about Brother Thomas who overseas the archives on the second floor."