Latest Jokes

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

5. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. Your rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

7. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

8. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

9. Your bologna has no first name.

10. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

Joan invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," Joan answered.

The girl thought for a minute, then bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate."

"Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours. It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time."

"And that, my master, is fate?"

"Oh, fate! I thought you said freight."

Patrons at the zoo were astonished to see an old man jump over the bars of the lion's cage. Seemingly oblivious to the danger, he walked among the fierce creatures holding the latest bestselling book in his hands, intently perusing its contents. The spectators were beside themselves.

"What in the world is he doing?" shouted one.

"Is he crazy? He's going to get killed!" yelled another.

"Don't worry about him," replied the man's son. "That's just my dad. He likes to read between the lions."