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Favorite this joke Due to a job transfer, Brian moved from his hometown to New York City. Being that he had a very comprehensive health history, he brought along all of his medical paperwork when it came time for his first check up with his new doctor. The doctor kept glancing at Brian as he reviewed the medical paperwork.
After browsing through the extensive medical history, the doctor stared at Brian for a few moments and said, ” Well there’s one thing I can say for certain, you sure look better in person than you do on paper!”
Five-year-old Matt, worked with a speech therapist on the 'ch' sound, which came out sounding like a 'k' sound. The therapist asked him to say chicken. His response sounded more like kitchen.
They tried again and again, but it always came out kitchen. Undeterred, she pushed him for one more try.
Matt sighed and said, “Why don’t we just call it a duck?”
Morris the cat and Duke the dog were talking with each other.
Morris: "What's up Duke? You look like you're in pain."
Duke: "Mmm er mmme errmmm."
Morris: "What'd you say? I can't understand you."
Duke (pointing off to the side): "Uhhhhh mmmm eeeeerrrrruf."
Morris then looks off to the side where he sees his cousin Felix running away with something hanging out of his mouth.
Duke (still pointing): "Thhhhh eeee rrrrrrf uuuhh!"
Morris: "Oh, I get it. Cat got your tongue huh?"
Max was worried. Sam, his loyal deli customer every day for thirty years, doesn't show up. Max loves Sam. Every day at the deli he gives him the best cuts, charges him the least, treats him like family.
So on the second day, his absence is again concerning. When he doesn't show up on the third day, Max is almost beside himself. The fourth day brings more agony with Sam's disappearance. On the fifth day, Friday, pacing back forth, not knowing what to do, he glances across the street at his competitor's deli. Through the window, he sees Sam at the deli counter right across the street.
Max tears off his apron, storms across the thoroughfare, and confronts Sam. "What are you doing? For thirty years you've been my customer. I've given you the best cuts for your meals, I've charged you next to nothing, I've treated you like my closest family! How could you show so little loyalty after all this time?"
"Relax," says Sam, "don’t worry. On Monday I had a root canal. The dentist said I should eat on the other side for a few days.”
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