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Favorite this joke My Granddaughter bought me one of those fancy do everything cell phones for my birthday. She said she'd come over on the weekend and show me how to use it.
The bad thing is I spilled some water on it and feeling horrible I called her up and told her what happened. She told me take out the battery, take out that card thingy dingy and put the phone in rice and leave it sealed in Tupperware over night.
I told her I'd call her back the minute I did all of that. When I called her back she asked what took to long. I told her that I do things the old fashioned way, I don't use that minute rice stuff and it took me twenty five minutes to cook the rice. She asked if I had submerged it in the rice yet and I told her that I had.
She paused for a moment and said, the rice trick doesn't always work. I'm sure it's going to work fine, I call her tomorrow after I get all of that sticky rice off of it tell her the good news.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knew it, the bridge was right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally a police car came pulling up to the scene. The cop got out of his car and walked to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
During war games between two Army bases, a Sergeant had enough of a Private that didn't seem to know which end of his rifle to point at the enemy. Instead the Sergeant gave the bumbling soldier a broom handle. "Point this at your target and yell 'Bang! Bang!' since you're too dumb to use the real thing!" yelled the Sergeant. So during the game "capture the flag", the dumb Private ran across the battlefield yelling "Bang! Bang!" Sure enough, the enemy soldiers fell when he aimed at them. "This is GREAT!!" and the Private started yelling over and over "BANG! BANG!".
Soon he came across a rather huge, tall, and fairly muscular enemy soldier heading right for him. "BANG! BANG!" he yelled. Nothing happened. "BANG! BANG BANG!" Still the enemy soldier approached and was picking up speed. The Private yelled over and over "BANG! BANG!" until the enemy soldier hit him, knocking the Private off his feet onto the ground and walked over him....
And was yelling "TANK! TANK! TANK!"
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