Latest Jokes

A husband came home from work one evening and walked into the kitchen where his wife was cooking dinner. He looked into the pots on the stove and smelled their content.

"Is the Preacher coming for dinner," he asked.

"No, he isn't," his wife replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, you've prepared a burnt offering. I just assumed something religious was going on."

What steps should you take if you ever come across a dangerous animal in the wilderness?

Very large ones.

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

Guy walks into bar, pulling on a long chain.

The bartender asks him, "You come in here everyday pulling that chain, why?"

The guy replies, "You ever tried to push one?"