Latest Jokes

A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first. "Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner, strapping him in.

No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and nothing happened. Under State law, if an execution attempt fails, the prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released. Then the biologist was brought forward. "Do you have anything you want to say?"

"No, just get on with it."

The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the biologist was released.

Then the electrical engineer was brought forward. Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.

"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over, you might make this thing work."

The man of the house was getting frustrated with his yard. The grass just wasn't growing, wasn't green and lush like he had expected. He tried weed-n-feed, extra watering, and reseeding. His grass just wouldn't grow. The angry man sat down in the middle of his yard, and yelled out, "Why aren't you happy, grass, I've done everything for you!"

The grass replied, "Because I'm just not in the mood, dude. Don't you know what I am? I am crab grass! Now leave me alone. I am really not in the mood!"

What do triplets need more than single babies? More Womb!

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.