Latest Jokes

A woman was notified that her grandmother just passed away and left her a big inheritance.

The instruction were, "My dear I left you some money but you need to log on to this account I had set up for you with my bank. The money should be right there in the CD I had set up. But you need a computer in order to get your money."

The granddaughter was excited and went to her home computer and logged on to the account. She was sad that after 10 minutes of waiting she did not see the money coming out from the CD-ROM insert. Her husband came home to see his wife sitting in front of the computer with a very sad face. He asked his wife, "What's the matter my lovely wife I thought you would be happy to received that kind of inheritance?"

The wife replied, "I would if the dang computer would just spit the money out."

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine" explained.

"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along.

Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy 5 bucks for every man he sees go by in a red hat.

A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts: "Dad, if you think you're getting screwed in there, you'd better come outside, 'cause there's a Shriner's convention going past."

In the wild wild west, two cowboys are claiming to be the best gunners and decide to hold a contest. An apple is placed on the barmen's head and cowboys have to shoot and hit the target apple at 15 feet distance.

First cowboy stands at 15 feet away, pulls out his gun and shoots the apple successfully hitting the target. So proud of his gun skills, cowboy blows the smoke off the barrel and says, "I am Red Kitt!" Spectators in the bar applaud and congratulate him.

Second cowboy stands up, pulls his gun and shoots the apple and he too successfully hits the target. He blows the smoke away from the barrel of his gun and proudly says, "I am Billy the Kid!" Again everyone applauds and congratulates the cowboy.

A Martian (foreigner) sitting among the spectators thinks he could do just as good, gets up, asks for another apple to be placed on the barmen's head. He stands 15 feet away, pulls his gun, and "bang" he shoots and kills the barmen. Everyone is stunned but within few moments, Martian recollects himself, blows the smoke off the gun barrel and proudly says, "I am sorry!"