A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says - "What the hell was that all about?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown, and one looks at the other and says - Does this taste funny to you?
What do you call a cheeky big foot?
A Sassy-squatch
*bu dum tss*
A man and a woman who never met before, find themselves on upper and lower berth of a long distance train.
At 2 am, man leans over saying, "Ma'am, sorry to bother you, would you be kind enough to give me a second blanket from the side table. It's awfully cold here.
"I have a better idea", she replied, "Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we are married?"
"Great idea Ma'am", he replied in great excitement.
She says, "Well then get up and take it yourself"