My ex's cooking was cold and bland.
Clearly, she put her heart and soul into it.
"Daddy, who was Hamlet?"
"Bring me the Bible you ignoramus and I will show you who he was."
"Teacher" was giving her class a little weekly talk on painting, illustrated by reproductions of famous pictures. "Sir Joshua Reynolds," she said, "was able to change a smiling face into a frowning one with a single stroke of the brush."
"Huh," little Johnny was heard to mutter, "my maw can do that, and she don't need no paint brush!"
"Are you an actress, auntie?"
"No darling, why do you ask?"
"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."