"Why did you choose to be cremated?"
"Being cremated is my last chance to have a smoking hot body!"
Why Dogs and Cats are better than children...
1) Eat less and don't ask for money all the time
2) Are easier to train and normally come when called
3) Don't smoke or drink
4) Don't want to wear your clothes
5) If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
I ordered an extension course, “How to Deal With Life’s Disappointments”.
Yesterday, I got the first lesson in the mail.
It was an empty envelope.
I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.
I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog."
She asked, "Would you like to insure him too?"
I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"