You know your old when you look at Santa Claus and think...
"Gosh, he looks so young!"
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when the wife is pregnant,
Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when BOTH are pregnant!
Little Emily ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break.
"What's wrong, dear?" asked her mother.
"My doll! Billy broke it!" she sobbed.
"How did he break it, Emily?"
"I hit him over the head with it."
Doctor: "Did you take the patient's temperature?"
Nurse: "No, why? Is it missing?"