"It takes Bill a day and a night to tell a story."
"He'd make a good bookkeeper, I should think."
"Why do you say that?"
"He's never short on his accounts."
A boastful Englishman was holding forth on the merits of his watch to friends in New York City. At last, one of the American friends decided he could stand it no longer.
"That's nothing, "he interrupted. "I dropped my watch into the Hudson a year ago, and it's been running ever since."
The Englishman looked taken aback. "What!" he exclaimed. "The same watch?"
"No," he replied, "the Hudson."
The married couple were in the middle of an argument.
Husband: "Do u know the meaning of the word WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime!'"
Wife: "You're wrong, it means 'With Idiot For Ever!'"
I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today...
His mom got really angry!