One Saturday Little Johnny went fishing at a pond that was close to his house. After a couple hours of fishing the owner of the pond approached and indicated to Little Johnny that there was a "No Fishing" sign.
Little Johnny replied, "Well the fellow that printed that sign knew what he was talking about."
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you...
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
A tourist is visiting a big metropolitan city when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood.
About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk.
He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
"Okay," the man says, "you take the front and I'll take the back."
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"