Tim: Down at the bus stop, everyone is hunting for a few quarters someone dropped?
Tom: I suppose you were looking around too.
Tim: No, I was just standing there with my foot on the quarters.
Bea: I hate that snobby Sue. Because of her I lost a hundred fifty pounds!
Lucy: Wow! What did she do?
Bea: She stole my boyfriend.
A father saw his son out in the backyard cleaning their homemade swing, a rubber tire hanging by a rope from a tree branch. The son was hosing it down, wiping it off, dusting out the inside.
The puzzled father went outside and said, “Son, I thought you were playing on the golf course with your friends this afternoon?”
"I was," replied the boy. "But the golf instructor said I needed to improve my swing."
Teacher: How many seconds are there in a year?
Little Johnny: Twelve.
Teacher: Twelve? Are you sure?
Little Johnny: Yes. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2....