A guy applies for financial assistance. "I'm having trouble with my eyes," the man says.

"What seems to be the problem?" asks the clerk.

"I can't see myself going to work."

"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

"We're all out of red, so I used pink."

"There are two O's in Bob, right?"

"I hate it when I get the hiccups."

"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."

"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

A 4-year old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?"

"Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color."

There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me?"