A woman walked into my father's carpet store. She'd just moved out of her parents' home and needed something for her new living room.

"Do you know how big the room is?" my father asked her.

"Yes," she said. "It's 22 flip-flops long by 18 flip-flops wide... and I wear a size 8."

A homeowner phones a plumber, "Can you come over and fix my kitchen sink again?"

The plumber replied, "You know I'm always at your disposal."

What's Forrest Gump's computer password?

1Forrest1

Sometimes I wake up grumpy...

Other times I let him sleep.