A couple took a puddle-jumping flight with 4 stops on the way to Dallas. At the first stop, a little white truck drove up to the plane's wing.

Wife: "What's that truck doing?"

Husband: "We're taking on more fuel."

The refueling process was repeated at the next two stops as well. At the last stop before Dallas:

Husband: "Ya know, in spite of all these delays, we're making pretty good time."

Wife (pointing out the window): "Maybe -- but that little white truck is keeping up with us!"

This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed. I had a roof over my head. I had TV and internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA online. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I just got out of prison."

If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant?

Following a major hurricane, a man worked long hours clearing the jumble of trees that littered his family property. The longer he worked, however, the more painful it became for him to move his right arm.

He repeatedly ignored his wife's pleas to see the doctor until one night he yelped, "Ow! This is getting serious. I need to go see a doctor"

His wife then turned to him in concern. He added, "Now it hurts to push buttons on the remote control."