It's not true that married men live longer than single men...

It only seems longer!

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine,” replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, he clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her, "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson was constantly hungry. I went to the refrigerator to find something he might like.

After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. I called out to him excitedly. He came running into the kitchen.

"Look! I found some chili!" I said to him.

Struggling to be polite, he said, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it."

SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Nobody can find it.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.