How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Ceasars.
Why can't towels tell jokes?
Because they have a dry sense of humor.
What is the most tired part of a car?
What else, the exhaust pipe!
Someone knocked at my door last evening. When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino's holding a chicken pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and onion rings.
"I haven't ordered any pizza," I said. "This must be a mistake."
"No, it's not," he replied. "Your neighbor forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show you what he was eating for dinner."