It was an extremely rough English Channel crossing from Weymouth to Jersey, and one wretched green-faced passenger was hugging the rail when a steward approached him.
“Lunch, sir?” asked the tactless steward.
“No, thanks,” groaned the passenger. “Jus throw it overboard and save me the touble…

Little Jackie’s mother was on the telephone with the child’s dentist.
“I don’t understand it,” she complained “I thought his treatment would only cost $20.00, but you have charged me $80.00.”
“It is usually $20.00, madam,” agreed the dentist, “but Jackie yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away

Damien was being severely scolded by his father for fighting. "Now, Damien" said his angry father, "This will not do! You must learn that you can't have everything you want in this life. There must always be give and take."

"But there was Dad!" protested the aggressive youngster. "I gave him a black eye and took the apple!"

“Do you obtain good SAT results?” asked the father of a prospective pupil.
“Oh, indeed we do,” said the Principal of the expensive private school.
“We guarantee satisfaction – or we return the student…”