I opened my birthday card and loads of rice fell out.
I knew right away who sent it...
It was my Uncle Ben.
I took my cat’s meds by accident...
Don’t ask meow.
Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen.
Wife: I am coming with the broom.
Husband: It’s not urgent. You can come on foot.
The wife and I were going on a holiday vacation, and when we got to the airport I said to her, "I wish I'd brought the television."
She said, "Why, will you get bored?"
I said, "No, the passports are on top of it."