I said to my wife: "When I die I'd like to die having sex."
She replied: “At least it’ll be quick.”
It's officially that season...
It’s officially the season of letting vague Santa threats do about 80 percent of my parenting.
Currently wearing some old spice...
It was oregano, I found it in the pantry.
I finally quit drinking for good...
Now I'm just gonna drink for evil.